Boon May's blog

Physiotherapy

2012-02-01T23:41:00.002+08:00

I just received a very unexpected call today. I don't think he knows how this call meant to me. But it made me feel all alive again.

I don't have the right to give up when others are not giving up on me.

Thanks so much x.

Loots

2012-01-30T00:06:00.018+08:00

I couldnt resist the temptation but to use my salary to buy certain eye-candies I have spotted and these are my loots....

Love them so much cos they are bought by my own hard-earned money $_$

AND GUESS WHATTTT. I only bought the blouse for $5 instead of its usual price $49 because of special offer!!!! I've contacted the typical singaporean disease who loves discounts. The feeling of "tan tio" something is simply shiok~ exhilarating.

Can't help but to feel very uneasy when it comes to buying things because I initially wanted to use the bulk of the money for something else... (save, to pay for my monthly gym membership etc)

And oh yah! I finally made a small dream of mine came true! And that is... to join true fitness gym membership at the new branch at tampines. have been utilizing my time there since I am pretty free throughout the day and 4 words to describe my experience there: AWESOME and loving it!

Besides being able to use their gym facilities that range from cardio to weights training and stretching machines. I also get to attend yoga classes, kickboxing etc etc. and the best thing about everything is I actually don't mind going for every single different class because I'm interested in every single one of them. #i'm indeed a pure gemini indeed. haha.

But i've got to be committed to paying $120 on a monthly basis for a year. Which makes me even more tight in my budget from now onwards.... *(not forgetting my transport fees are now 3x higher than before due to adult fare)

And the flashback of having less than a dollar during the alevel and post alevel days when im out before i started working was extremely scary and intimidating. There was a day when my ezlink ran out of money too. Luckily my friend came down to lend me some money so that I could go home -______-"

I'm always constantly counting my budget for stuff but it always never work out properly because I spend SO much money when it comes to eating and drinking...
My love for sushi alone can cost me additional $10 a day. It kinda sucks to limit myself of nice food - thats what i always feel so i never restrict my spending when it comes to diet.

Anyway! my mum is finally gonna be back tomorrow. I miss her so much despite her usual naggings and scoldings that are gone temporarily are kinda peaceful though.. haha.

She's gonna be so proud of me for folding my clothes properly because usually i would pile my clothes in the cupboard like a volcano.

#confession to make: I only sweep and mop the floor today because she is coming back tmr. hahahahahaha.

Main thing is, she's still gonna be proud of me nevertheless =P

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Have I blogged about my first clubbing experience at butter fac last month? Can't remember...

So anyway....... it was pretty fun and high. Really good for some partying to relax/destress but definitely also exhausting to last till the wee hours of the morning. I was very tipsy after drinking martel but it gave me the courage to let go of all the awkwardness and just dance though.

My friend told me that once you start clubbing you would be addicted to it. But I don't think I'll be going there again unless I'm going with the same bunch of friends who are very protective of me.

Anyway excluding the fun and high factor, actually there's nothing great about it. I'll prefer to listen to my slow songs at home and just simply daydream and relax on the bed or just read magazine/book or something. That's more enjoyable to me. But sadly there are only several days i can do this every week depending on who is around at home.

---

Re-reading this post of mine once again makes me realise I am so money-conscious..... =l

Speaking of this, I've been reminding myself not to cross the fine line of being money conscious and being materialistic. Its gonna be hard but It will be terrible if I do so.

Never dread valentine day so much before. Wish this day never have existed. I know i'll regret saying this if I have a boyfriend in the future. BUT I really really dont like it now at the moment.

Saved my previous post as a draft because I feel kinda awkward

meaningful post worth a read.

2012-01-24T22:52:00.009+08:00

Taken from: http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/what-is-the-meaning-of-life/

What Is The Meaning Of Life?

By Tina Su

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the meaning of life and the impermanent nature of it all. Observing how we do what we do, the struggles we put ourselves through, the drama, the pain and the suffering.

While thoughts about life, death and purpose drift in and out of my consciousness on a regular basis, the seed of this post was planted, when Pooja sent me a link to “The Last Post” by Derek Miller.

I was just getting on a flight when I opened that link on my phone, and by the time I had finished reading it, tears were streaming down. I spent the rest of that flight, and weekend reflecting on the meaning of life.

“What is the point of life, when we come to the end?” I wondered.

I mean, when I look around, I see a lot of struggling—in my own life and in the lives of others. It seems like, even though there’s an abundance of goodness in our lives, the prevalent theme seems to be this struggle to find balance, peace and happiness.

“What is the meaning of it all? What is the purpose of life?” I asked silently in the privacy of my thoughts.

I pondered this as I sat uncomfortably in the middle seat, squished between my husband on my right—who was napping in the aisle seat—and an annoying guy to my left—who was playing a distracting driving game, in which his iPad was used as the steering wheel, causing him to move wildly about his seat.

I looked away towards the empty space along the aisle to my right, so that my distracting neighbor was no longer in my peripheral. I reflected on my own experiences—particularly my own “blind” chase towards a more promising tomorrow.

Personal Reflections

“All this chasing for what?” I asked myself.

I race and I chase, all so that I can make more money, have more success, be more attractive, and hopefully be happier in some distant future when I’ve hit some superficial and randomly selected target.

But will that day ever arrive? You and I both know how this game goes: the wanting for more never ends; and happiness will always (unless we intervene) appear to be just a reach away, in “some day” land, when we’ve finished this project or have reached that goal.

We stride through life as if we will live forever. We treat time as a cheap commodity that we blindly waste. We become consumed by negativity. We hide behind victim stories.

We get stuck in jobs and relationships that we dislike. We distract ourselves with the noise of media and other people’s opinions. We compete over beauty, status and owning stuff. We buy into the empty promises of cosmetics and luxury products—all of which are illusions fabricated by marketers.

Unable to forgive, we hold on to the pain and we blame people, things, and circumstances for our unhappiness. We surround ourselves with anxiety, stress and depression. Failing to recognize that these “dis-eases” and uncomfortable emotions are our soul’s way of saying, “Wake up! It’s time for a change, baby. This isn’t working.”

We give up our dreams, our art, our purpose, and trade our lives in exchange formoney so that we can make a living. While making money to sustain our needs is inevitable, in the making of a living we sometimes forget our unique gifts, we temporarily lose touch with the enormity of our inner being, and we distance ourselves from the confidence of our unique expressions.

In a race to survive, we become mentally paralyzed—like a dove whose wings have been clipped and soon forgets that she can fly.

It’s all so exhausting.

It’s overwhelming.

There’s no end to the madness of chasing.

So many of us rush though life in this way, oblivious to the preciousness of whom we are and unaware of the beauty, wealth, abundance, love & opportunities that surrounds us.

And before we know it, the sands of our hourglass run out, and we face the end of our brief existence on this planet—unfulfilled and regretful for all that we’ve missed.

I know this may sound harsh, and it is. Viewing how we live in its blunt, naked candor can feel rough around the edges. Truth stings. At the same time, we can use this emotionally charged observation to our advantage—to inspire us and to move us such that we begin to live differently.

Derek Miller’s last Blog post is a gift for us. He reminds us of the impermanency of our human existence, and the preciousness of the time we have as living, breathing, creative beings.

It’s time to restructure (at least for me and my family) our lives. It’s time to restructure how we live, how we prioritize, how we contribute, and how we can live more fully in the precious moments we are blessed with.

Just now, as I type this, my husband came home after having taken our son to the park so that I could write this post. He opened my office door, and said, “Go see mama.” My son (18 months old) ran into my office with a smile so big that I was instantly love struck. The love my little boy radiated filled up the room.

Little Ryan charged into my arms at full speed. His little legs wrapped around my waist. His little hands draped around my neck. We hugged. I picked him up and said, “Oh, I love you booboo. Thank you for the hug.”

In that moment, I understood…

Perhaps, the only thing that matters is love.
Perhaps, all the chasing we do is just misdirected energy.
Perhaps, all the stress is unnecessary.
Perhaps, we are making life a lot more complicated than it needs to be.
Perhaps, it’s possible (and necessary) to forgive and to let go of our painful past.

Perhaps, there’s an easier route to happiness—by focusing on doing good work, contributing value to society, sharing joyful experiences with people we like, and remembering to slow down to savor the moments.

The Meaning of Life

So what is the meaning of life? What is the purpose of life?

I don’t think any single answer can be ubiquitously shared and be applicable for everyone. So I’ll answer for myself, from my current state of understanding.

I think the meaning of life is what ever meaning we give it—and we can literally give it any meaning that “feels right” to us. There’s a blank canvas in front of you. You are the artist of your life, and you are free to paint any picture that pleases you—and change it at any time for that matter.

What “feels right” to you? What do you want your life to mean? What do you want your life to be about?

I think the purpose of life is to discover what makes you happy, and then go do more of it. The most interesting answer I’ve heard to “What is the purpose of life?” came from my husband. He said:

“The purpose of life is to do what makes you come a live. When you stop, you die.”

For me, the answer is simple: (in addition to my family) learning and sharing about empowering topics—like all the content on his site—is on the top of that list.

So, what makes you come alive?

Parting Words on Life Meaning

I wrote and re-wrote this article over the past 4 weeks–cutting more than half the content down to the essentials. The point of this article can be summarized by the following:

Life is short.

Life is precious.

What are you dreaming about? Go do it. Go make it happen. Go do it despite fearand doubt and the opinions of others. Go do it, because it makes you happy. Go do it, because it makes you come alive.

Who are you holding a grudge against? Decide to forgive them, today, right now. Decide that you will heal, and decide to tell a different story. Give yourself permission to be free, because you are.

Where do you want to visit? Start planning for it, even if you don’t yet have the money. Keep moving in that direction, and I promise you that you will find a way.

Who do you love? When you’re with them, give them your full attention. Create the time and space to connect with them. Put love at the top of your list.

In the end, love is all that matters. Love for our selves, for other people, for our work, for all the unique experiences of life.

Life is simple, but we insist on making it complicated. Let’s make it simple again, by focusing on what matters.

–Tina

2012-01-22T21:12:00.005+08:00

Just ended call with my grandfather.

I actually thought of many things to say to him but upon hearing his voice, I suddenly ran out of words to say and I couldn't stop my tears from coming out.

Other than keeping on saying thank you and i want to see you so badly, I wasn't able to say out anything else I have been wanting to say.

Never felt this helpless before.

2012-01-22T14:45:00.003+08:00

Work ended. Gotten my pay. Finally get to rest!

Mum has rushed to china together with some other relatives to visit my grandfather for the last time. It is a pity I aint able to go along as I have to take care of my sis and bro.

I'm going to learn some hai nan phrases so that my grandfather can understand my last words through phone.

These few days had been a hard time for us to accept this fact. In chinese tradition, to be able to pass away at a age over eighty is to be called a celebration. But honestly speaking, how happy can we even feel at such an occasion?

My grandfather woke up after sleeping for 3 days at hospital but he is under the life support system to sustain his life so that he could have the last reunion dinner this cny.

I pray that everything will go on smoothly.

-----

Some other things I wanna do before I get ready for my next job:

-Learn to cook several dishes

-Sleep more

-Rest

-Exercise

10 days till my mum returns. Meanwhile I need to take care of the household chores and all.

It sounds simple but it is a very intimidating task for me.... And today is the first day.

Some things I have to do:

-wake up at 6 everyday and get my sis and bro prepared for school

-wash clothes, hang clothes

-wash dishes

-sweep, mop floor

-buy food

-make sure my siblings go to sleep everyday at 10

-make sure my siblings learn their spelling and do their homework

Out of all these things, i think the first task is the most difficult one for me! I myself can't even wake up and get work/school promptly most of the time!

I need to be responsible. or else they will miss school. that will be my fault =(

To my grandfather

2012-01-21T00:17:00.012+08:00

Thank you for taking care of me from kindergarden till primary 3.

Thank you for cooking porridge and egg for me everyday and until now, that is my favourite dish.

Thank you for always giving me all the money you have whenever you see me although you don't have much.

Thank you for standing up for me when I had to go over to my uncle's house to stay and your tears. Nobody had cried for me other than my mum. You are the second.

Thank you for being the only one to eat dinner with me during my alevel period when I stayed at my uncle's house.

Thank you for your sincere concern for me although we hadn't been able to overcome our language barrier.

I respect you so much. I'll always do. And I'll always always remember you.

No words can describe how thankful I am towards you. You are an angel god has sent to me in my life that I have never realised.

Love,

Ah mui.

2012-01-19T23:38:00.001+08:00

SIGH... always dressing inappropriately for different occasions :(

2012-01-19T04:53:00.001+08:00

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be; because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to.

TIRED!!!!!

2012-01-17T01:10:00.005+08:00

I want to use my pay to go to batam and enjoy spa! Didn't know it cost so little to go there for a few days and enjoy the services there until joei told me today. haha.

Today i got a shock out of my life when i realised my phone was missing when I was already on the way home in the bus. I quickly got down the bus and ran back to takashimaya. It was already 11pm at the pt of time and the security guard was kinda hesitant to allow me to go in.

And the whole takashimaya mall was so dark with a few lights on. So so scary. But I am so so so so lucky to find it back. :')

I need to learn to take care of my things better. REALLY NEED TO!

No more clumsiness and carelessness. Not forgiven next time round

2012-01-14T00:05:00.003+08:00

9 more days of work. Work is so tiring but i'm loving every single moment of it. The wonderful colleagues and friends i made there have created memories that I'm never gonna forget in my entire life =DD

2012-01-11T00:40:00.003+08:00

Can I not grow up?

Sometimes I really feel the need to mind what I say and how I behave. But by displaying certain self control and constraining myself just doesn't feel like being myself anymore.

2012-01-09T23:32:00.006+08:00

It seems that I have not touched the computer for many days. (but actually it is just 10 days to be exact!)

And i decided to blog today because today is a very special day....which is olevels result day. Although this day doesnt concern me anymore I still do feel something for this day as it had once been a really heartwarming and unforgettable day of my life. It was also the day when I made one of the major decision in my life - and that is to enter a junior college.

2 years passed. and 2 more months I'll be getting my Alevel results. Many people kept asking me which course I wanna go in university and all but to be exact, I myself is unsure as well. In fact, I've been thinking where I wanna go since 2 years ago and up till now, my mindset has been constantly changing by what I am going through every now and then.

I asked a senior colleague who work with me at takashimaya today, "what if my passion is something so simple that if I follow it, I would not be living up to everyone's expectation and not fulfilling in monetary terms?" He answered me, "Follow your passion and you will live up to expectations soon step by step." I nodded but I knew, it was easy said than done.

2 years ago, I decided to enter JC because my mum wants me to. I gave up my higher mt during sec 4 because I have firmly decided to go to a polytechnic. But i changed my decision which had been so deep rooted in my mind all the while at the last minute simply because I want to live up to mum's expectation, which is to enter a university.

This time round, I do not wish to allow other people's expectation to decide what I am going to do in the future again. Because by following it, I are putting my happiness at stake. That time, it affected 2 years of my life. This time round, it may affect my whole life.

Of course... that really depend on my results.. I hope everything's gonna be fine. I really hope so!

I really hate making big decisions in my life. I would even cringe at the thought one day if I am going to decide who and when I am going to get married.. to give birth... to live without my mum... etc. Sigh.

This is the jelly I bought from the stall opposite my working booth. Cost me about $12 and i couldnt bear to eat it cos it was such a beautiful fish! haha

I found out my favourite watch broke the next day when I woke up just because i forgot to take out from my wrist. =(

I use scotch tape to tape it back and it looks awfully terrible now. But I can't bear to throw it away......

On a good note, I enjoy working so much now =D

the mean people left. my wonderful colleagues stay =D

2011-12-31T01:16:00.006+08:00

I've got so much things to say but I'm so busy that I seem to have lost the feel to blog what I wanted to blog about.

A really screwed up job of mine have started earlier at the last minute notice and it is the worst job experience ever at the very first day. I nearly walked out at the first 3 hours but I stayed on because my classmate is in the same boat as me and she is not giving up.

china's trip to qionghai which is considered my true homeland has been a very precious experience. I feel that I've grown a lot mentally after this trip. In a way or another, it somehow made me realise what I truly feel is important and made me realise in many aspects how I should improve as a person.

we also visited our relatives there who all have very awesome character that left a very deep impression.

these generally sums up what has been happening in my life nowadays.

and my neck is as usual ruining the goodness of my everyday life. =(

1 whole day of hardwork = hard earned $71

I'm gonna spend this money more wisely than ever.

I never felt like that in any of my previous job experience before (Hongkong cafe, breadtalk, bookfest etc.)

Seriously, thank god I still have my education to back me up from this kind of rubbish job which can't even allow me to go to the toilet. I kept comforting myself by telling myself this during work. If not.... I think I'll really breakdown.. real hard

2011-12-17T18:54:00.005+08:00

My sleepy eyes are gone after half a month of rest. My eye bags are recovering too! :-) and regular running has made my face slimmer.

And my face looked less pale. In fact, it looks much more fresh than before. Without the power of make up.

Bought this pair of earrings for only $1 at bugis and I love it. =D

Contented now.~

2011-12-17T02:56:00.005+08:00

3 more days to china.

And i'll be back on the 28th of December!

I'm looking forward to the countdown of 2011 and the start of 2012.

2011 has been the most awful year ever.

I'm also looking forward to the start of Jan in which I will start working at B2 takashimaya selling CNY goods!

There'd no off days and most prolly I'll be spending 12 hours everyday at work. Its gonna be tough and I really wonder if I would even have time to go for physiotherapy. I really hope so!

And I've also signed up to work overnight at Abercombie and Fitch starting from Feb onwards. If nothing goes wrong, that would be my long-term job for my post alevel holidays.

YUP!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

Life's great!

I love constant changes in my life.

Post Alevel fun!

2011-12-16T01:53:00.008+08:00

I really like the feeling of being with some people. The feeling is kinda awkward but it's comfortable. Not much things to talk about but the overall feeling is just right.

Just a really really pleasant feeling that can last longer than the time spent together.

Coffee with my chinese teacher

2011-12-13T18:55:00.004+08:00

----

Life is simple and fulfilling at the same time nowadays. :-)

Ytd I went for physiotherapy and had dinner with Elin. I enjoy talking to her so much although we're like about 6 years old apart. We've been for dinner a couple of times during the Alevel period too and she's the only staff at camden medical centre that we really become friends(as in, have each other's contact number haha)

And the coolest thing is that her birthday is on 22nd May and mine is on 21st May!!!

Ytd was kinda a fearful day as well. My physiotherapist matthew wanted me to show(ok not show but inspect in detail) him my scars on the armpit. Because the procedure on my armpit the last time may have affected soft tissues which may affect my neck indirectly.

Of course, I refused. I've never dared to wear sleeveless shirts for about 2 years only until recently because I myself is disgusted with the scars. Now the idea of allowing someone to inspect in detail is kinda scary... but I promised him I will show him on my next visit. Thank god the next visit is on january... Still have some time to get over it.

I know its just a small thing. But it is super SENSITIVE to me. everyone has their comfort zones, isn't it? For me, its no difference either.

Today i had coffee with my chinese teacher and then I went to gym!

During my spare time these days I try to do finish my xmas cards.

Sadly... I think I can't finish them by this week because I am going out almost everyday and I havent pack my stuff for the 9 day china trip too yet.

Tmr, meeting sec sch friends for dinner and then going to club at powerhouse the very first time! Gna be an eye-opener. Heh excited!! :))

I've found a temporary job which starts on Jan and ends in Feb. Selling chinese new year canned food at takashimaya. $7.50 per hour. Good lobang right!!!! Heeeee.

Shopping

2011-12-13T01:16:00.001+08:00

I bought this hat at cotton on for ten bucks and I'm loving it so much! Actually i think not being rich is a good thing after all. It makes me appreciate every single thing I buy more. I used to spend my money unwisely whenever I have a lot of money gotten from hongbaos and pay from work. In the end I will come to realise that the things i had bought were actually meaningless and quite useless. Haha.

2011-12-11T18:42:00.002+08:00

one of the xmas card idea. Printed it out and was so disappointed to see a piece of black photo. -________-!!!!!!!!!!! =(

SNSD concert

2011-12-11T03:15:00.001+08:00

Using my hp to blog nowadays so I am not quite used to it. Don't have the feel to pen down my thoughts unlike whn I am using the computer to do so! Anyway just a random note I'm determined to take as many pictures as possible wherever I go with my iPhone and keep them as memories to look back in the future. Of cos, that wil include narcissist pictures of myself!!! Haha!! Youth is precious! I gotta take as many pretty pictures of myself before i turn old :-) I need to love myself more!

Lovely Thursday.

2011-12-08T23:33:00.003+08:00

Updates..=D

2011-12-07T17:43:00.008+08:00

Firstly, i would like to declare how much i love my Iphone!!!!! I used to be someone who does not like to bring my phone out. So my friends always give me very puzzled look when I told them I didn't bring my phone today etc. But ever since i got my iphone, i think i spend at least an hour with it everyday. Hahahahaha.

And the best thing about it to me is the camera function! It hides facial flaws pretty well.

SEE!!! can't even see a single pimple or blackhead!! :D

This picture is taken at Kallang River yesterday. I've put on weight ever since I came back home because there is a lot of nice food. And being a food addict, I can't stop eating until my stomach really bloats badly.

So I've reached 53kg..... =( With so much spare time now, I'm gna exercise doubly hard till I reach 45kg.

Can't believe I skipped prom this year (which is a very special event that happens rarely in a lifetime) because I wanted to save that $70+ entrance fee and other expenses like clothing, shoes, hair etc and actually bear to go and buy English books worth over $100 plus.

Even after Alevels are over. I'm still like a nerd 8l

This is the stack of files and books that I have studied for Alevels. Looks really nothing much here but if i really take each stack one by one and really take pictures of them in detail, you'd know how MUCH content they really are.

Haha!!! Looking at this I feel so proud of myself.
And so happy that everything's over :-)

This is my new Iphone! Haha. White one... super chio max.

And a hello kitty phone cover!

Believe it or not.... I actually brought this downstairs to shop at NTUC like an aunty -____- because my mum insisted that this would help me take off a lot of heavy weights.

I feel so embarrassed when I rolled this trolley around at first but it is really super useful!! Think I'm gna continue using this after today. (Hahahaha)

I've made 17 xmas cards already! Gna take pics of them and share on my blog when im done with everything and after I send them all out!!!

SUPER NICE CHOC! My first time trying it. I was attracted by the packaging at first but am so satisfied with the taste! I ate them all in like less than 10 minutes.... :-D

My classmates and I at PartyWorld =D

Okay thats all for now. Finally resuming my physiotherapy sessions starting from tmr :]

Life would be perfect if my neck and scalp pain does not bother me at all now. Sigh.

Hibernation starts from today!

2011-12-03T00:09:00.010+08:00

My sis is really adorable. She's so innocent sometimes I can get really paiseh

-____-" haha.

today, i brought her for some shopping at bugis and after shopping for about 5 hours, we entered a shop at bugis street selling some wallets.

The salesperson who is a teenager around my age saw my sis and talked to her. she asked my sis, "anything you like or you want to buy?" my sis smiled and said, "No la. is my sister want to see. "

She asked again, " what your sis want to buy?"

And my sister answered...

"She shopped for very long already and she saw a lot of things she want to buy but she has not buy anything because she is scared of wasting money. So my sister only come and see see only la! Not buying anything."

That moment upon hearing what my sis have said, I got super embarrassed and smiled to the salesperson and walked out of the shop. Lol!!!

-----------------------------------------------

I'm gonna TRY hibernating for the next few weeks. (Yeeting's life ftw!)

/I don't like the moment whenever I got up the bus. Feels like a million pairs of eyes watching over me.(Does anyone feels this way too or am I the only one?)

I have no idea i am being over-sensitive or what, but I just really really don't like this feeling. Or maybe I am the weird one.

2011-12-01T22:27:00.003+08:00

Will be starting to make xmas and birthday cards. =D

And i have packed my things and moved them all back to home.

This is the room that accompanied me throughout the toughest alevel period (used to really untidy because of my books)

And I'm so gna miss this place and my uncle. X

2011-11-30T03:29:00.009+08:00

Nice song!

Alevels are finally over. Can't describe the feeling when the clock strikes 3 today.

You really have to experience the 2 years of slogging really hard for these to understand the feeling.

Went partyworld at nex with classmates after that for a mini celebration. It was pretty great - we danced, ate, sang, screamed and basically just enjoyed ourselves XD

But it still feels kinda weird not touching any books now. I used to bring my books everywhere. I read them on the bus, at the bus stop, mrt, when i go for physiotherapy, some times when i was eating (esp during alevel period) even bringing them into the toilet while doing business. (hahahaha. )

While walking home, going to school or whenever I am moving around, my brain was constantly thinking of "content" i have studied earlier on/the day before. That was how nerdy I had been.

Now, nothing seems to matter anymore. My mood feels so calm. Finally I can sleep in peace and rest.

Need to get my health back in pink again before I start to search for a job.

(I said before, I don't intend to look for a job but ironically the first thing I did when i came home today was to search for a job.) - I guess I am someone who really can't stand boredom and must be constantly doing something. But nevertheless, not gonna start on anything at least until January :-)

I don't wish to spend my time of this precious holiday meaninglessly on social media. So I will try to use twitter, fb etc as seldom as possible.

Yup!! That's about it. I have a long list of things i'm gonna do and the 1st thing on the list now is:

Sleep!

^_^ goodnight

----

OH yea i suddenly remembered a very funny question my mum suddenly ask me today: why so many teenagers pai tuo (get into a relationship) at your age but you don't ah? I see you like don't even have any boy friend. Always yeeting yeeting yeeting if not also only got girl friends, don't tell me you lesbian?!

I answered her: I have no boyfriend you not happy meh? Good what! Like that then I will not engage in premarital sex.

Then she replied: Ya hor. You see the advertisements nowadays. More and more Singaporeans got AIDS. But hor if you really become lesbian, also jiat lut leh.

Me: DO I LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN?!?!!?!?

Mum: I don't know leh. I think see your pattern high chances.

Me: *speechless*

(Super LOL.)

2011-11-26T20:34:00.003+08:00

I don't mind dying a few years earlier if I have the chance to go to such beautiful places, even if time only permits for a few minutes or hours.

What happened....

2011-11-25T19:33:00.001+08:00

I can promise, every single word that I say is true. No "alterations" to make the entire incident to look like I'm not at fault.

I don't wish to say long stories here. But briefly this is what happened.

My cousin and I got along pretty fine so far during my stay at my uncle's house. We live in the same room, slept at almost the same time, we do talk to one another some times, gossip about certain stuff and went out to have our meals together.

But this particular day she was sick and she told me about it. Blame me on not being sensitive enough to move out to study. But because my uncle has already warned me not to go to the living room unnecessarily at night because the maid needs sleep and the fact that the room has an "orange" light which is bought from IKEA (Not as bright as normal lights. Quite dim) so I continued to study in the room as I was having my Alevels exam and I had to sacrifice my sleep to study for it.

(She is not the only one who is lacking of sleep. I have been missing many hours of sleep ever since Alevels started. And that day I was trying very hard to finish my revision for geography before exam that I decided to forgo my sleep)

The day before, my cousin and I had our lunch at hawker centre together. I was really touched when she heard that I am leaving after my alevels and is not going to continue to stay with her anymore, she said she want to tell her father to let me stay longer so that I could accompany her when she is at home.

Coincidentally, I decided to went home today (which my alevels have not officially ended yet because of the 3 cockroaches that traumatized me) and out of curiosity, I went to see her twitter. And i saw this:

I was fuming with anger when I saw what she posted. Not because she is pissed at me for studying and ruining her sleep. In fact I think it is rational for her to be pissed because If I were to put myself in her shoes, having not enough sleep really can make me angsty and irritated.

But because she actually used the "f" word directing towards me. And we're cousins. And the also that she said the opposite thing in reality.

The thing is, if I had not seen her twitter, I did not know she was angry and irritated at all. And she also resumed talking to me normally as usual after that day so I was completely ignorant about the fact that she was angry with me that day.

So after seeing her tweets, I confronted her, and she said she did hint me by telling me she was sick, but I just didn't get the hint. And I also told her straight that she is a fake person.

She argued if she was being fake, she would not post it on twitter and give me the opportunity to see it. (P/S I am not a follower of her twitter before so I really don't see the validity of her argument)

This is what she posted after we have talked things out.

I didn't know calling someone to "fuck herself" or "fuck off" is a small thing. Am I really being petty?

I didn't scold her, i merely told her how I felt - yup - the fact she was fake because she told me she'd miss me and on twitter she said she desperately want me to leave.

I dont wish that the next time I see her (eg. new year. wedding dinner etc) I would think about this incident and I am the only one feeling awkward about it and keep it within myself.

People who know me long enough do know that I am not that kind of person who likes to keep everything inside. In fact, when im sad, Im the kind of person who would like the whole world to know abeit they do not care. When im happy, when im angry, when im jealous, whatever I am feeling, I would share my feelings and problems to anyone who is around me. Some times I even hated myself for loving so much attention because I don't like myself to be an "attention-seeker" and tried keeping my problems with myself. But I failed, many times, and even at the last resort, I would turn to social media like blog or facebook to vent out my feelings.

So gradually I accepted how my true character actually functions. I accepted the fact that I need social gratification from social media to derive my happiness. I accepted the fact that I am an "attention-seeker" so long as I am not too "over" and cross the certain limits and become a "desperate attention-seeker"

At this point in time, I can't help but to feel the need to justify why I am blogging about this. And so this is it. All my insecurities exposed.

What I am really disappointed about this entire issue is that I didn't know blood-related means being able to tolerate being scolded "fuck off.. fuck yourself" etc. And what made every thing worse was she is a nice cousin on the surface.

She have already declared that there is no pt keeping our relationships as cousins and I also have no intention to help her "save face"

Honestly speaking, this incident really taught me many valuable lessons.

"do not judge a book by its cover" - sounds cliche isnt it? Ive heard it plenty of times but i never truly understand this meaning until today.

2011-11-25T06:29:00.000+08:00

P/S It is 6.30am currently and I'm going to take my Alevels H2 human geog at 8am.

So far whatever topics I have predicted for all the major exams NEVER came out at all (for any subject!)

but PORPEEEEEEE this time round every single areas I've concentrated more will all come out.

(factors affecting urban structures, traffic problems and management, anti/pro natalist policies...etc)

God bless me. Its okay not doing well for other subjects, but definitely, surely, must, confirm not for geography.

-/Back. as usual, NO questions i have put more focus on came out. T_T I believe it is the case for many others too because this year's alevel questions are really weird (non-standard kind of questions- unpredictable, extremely random, and like to mix a variety of concepts from different topics )

For eg, when i looked at the first glance at the essay questions, the globalisation question stunned me for a second. It was smth like "how far is globalisation global in nature?" without much forethought i was straight away thinking, isnt globalisation totally GLOBAL in nature! It already has the word global in it! What kind of question is this! Lol! But after analyzing the question for a while, there are actually certain aspects of non-global characteristic about globalisation that can be written. [I know this sounds contradicting, but I think this is exactly how cambridge is trying to trick us]

but nonetheless I'm done my best albeit having no time to finish the paper. And left with last paper - h2 chem paper 1 mcq next tues!!

only had 2 hours of sleep. but i'm going to siteX with my mum and aunt now to source for my dearest first iphone XD and i'm so excited wheeeeeee~

2011-11-24T13:28:00.000+08:00

Good morning world! =D

Today feels refreshing. 6 days later will be even be better!

Recently I've cultivated a habit of daydreaming before I sleep and before I wake up. (and the process can some times take as long as 1 hour!) Initially it began with recalling all the content I've studied throughout the day (or yesterday) because I was afraid I may forget them without much consolidation but slowly..... I begun to start this habit of daydreaming.

Haha. It is like my newfound hobby because I can clearly sort out my thoughts, plan what I am going to do for the day, what I am going to achieve at the end of the day, at the end of the month, appreciate certain things, think about positive things which set my mood right for the day and most importantly motivates me.

I sound as though I am so self-absorbed in my own world but whatever, I LOVE daydreaming =D Of course, need to bear in mind that I have to take concrete actions to make things happen.

:-) Tmr's human geog paper. After tmr i can finally throw away a huge burden off my shoulders. Or you can say (from my brain) because the content is really really really REALLY intimidating.

Two things I really need now.

2011-11-23T02:50:00.000+08:00

Faith and courage.

Being a freethinker sometimes really feel disadvantaged because there seems to be nothing you seem to be able to hold on to, hope for, look forward to.

Whereas the idea of trying hard to believe in a certain religion sometimes seem absurd to me because pragmatism and reality tells me they dont exist.

So I always solely rely on self-talk to encourage myself. But some times I find it really hard to carry myself through hard times. Because most of the hard times are created by own self thoughts. To tell myself not to think so much is impossible; since a dead brain equates to a dead soul.

In other words, my brain works like a double-edged sword. It kills yet saves me at the same time.

Too often, I think too much, imagine the possibles and the most impossibles. And I dwell on them pretty much because my senses naturally do so. It's a terrible innate thing within me to do so, so much so that it annoys the wits out of me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel really trapped staying in the room studying all day this alevels period. I think this is what really is driving me bonkers. And I miss going to physiotherapy. X

2011-11-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

Here are a mixture of pictures taken today as well as those i have taken before i cut short hair.

I still missssssssssss my long hair.

If not mainly because of my hair loss, I wouldn't even think of cutting it. I hope after alevels = no more stress = can sleep more = balding patch will recover.

Off to studying. 12am already and i havent started on anything!

2011-11-20T21:41:00.000+08:00

I dont like how I love to waste time like checking facebook status and constantly tweet and sms and chat on phone for hours and the fact that I enjoy it so much. Don't feel meaningful at the end of the day. I guess thats what happen when you realise the importance of time management after going through JC lifestyle.

I need to do something more useful in my leisure and free time.

On a happy note, I'm recontracting my m1 phone line and i'm thinking of buying Iphone 4S. Not intending to change my handphone number since it has followed me for years since secondary 1. But the thought of having an iphone is totally exhilarating. (last year or 2 years ago i can't rmb, i firmly told myself not to get an iphone despite everyone around me has it because i don't want to jump into the bandwagon and be just like everyone else.

But now, I think I was stupid enough to think it that way. It is SO useful i swear, after seeing how my friends can easily get info and play games during those boring assemblies.

Most imptly (for me) I can finally save my $$ on iris. Don't see i everyday only spend $0.10 on IRIS hor. x30 = $3 a month. So bohua!

Ok I know lah, I sound very cheapskate hahahaha. #totally just like any pragmatic singaporean.

Ok my eyes are hurting. Need to off comp now. Bbuai.

2011-11-19T00:45:00.000+08:00

Hi! Its 19 November already. Days are passing quickly i'm losing track of the dates even though I have to constantly look at my entry proof to ensure i am present for every A level exams at all the important days. And...... my alevels are going to end on 29 Nov!!!!! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I honestly can't wait=D

These 2 weeks had been really horrible. There were certain days I did not catch any sleep at all (NOT EVEN 1MIN!) just to chiong certain contents for examinations. Most of the days I only survived with 2 hours of sleep. And at the end of the 2 weeks, my mum actually told me I look like a ghost because my face was very pale. For myself personally, I dont even dare to look at the mirror because I was scared to see how I may look.

And even though there is around 9 days of break till the next major exams and I managed to sleep a little bit more hoping to "compensate" the loss of sleep, I still feel sleep-deprived, and I constantly feels lethargic. tiredness just doesnt seem to go away!

So far, all the exams I have gone through are not so good but I've come to the conclusion that there is no pt worrying about it (since i cant change the fact that I have done really badly) and i shall just see how my results go next year. High percentage i need to retake but I'm quite delighted by this idea because there is no school to bind me for a year.

While some others may say social media is a great distraction and barrier to good grades, I'm kinda grateful to it because it has helped me to survive this horrible period.

Yup! Left with only human geog and chemistry p1. ComeonTIMEjustpassEVENmorequicklyPLEASE!

P.S a random thought. Time is actually quite a precious element in our lives.

It can enable us to

-forget someone

-forget unhappy things

-appreciate things more

-learn from the past

-provide hope about our future

-move on.

-store good memories

-forge friendships and bonds.

but of course.... the worst thing about it is that it makes us old...... and each day nearer to our doomday.... And ironically, I'm more afraid of the "getting old" fact than the dying fact. I cant imagine staring into the mirror and seeing a wrinkled face! I had this nightmare before, and i can remember till now. :X

OKIE. back to mugging. Tata~ (Athough i still feel tired, but my mood is so much better. Sleep is king.)

2011-11-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

Ok im totally lacking of discipline. Just because i need the computer to study my stuff i've been constantly hogging onto facebook and twitter. Social media is such an addictive toooooooooooooooool!

Anyway GP is down. Math is down. Chem P3 is down.

I think they are the worst major exam papers I have done so far. (Include Olevels and PSLE.)

Not hoping for distinctions but hopefully just some Bs and not Cs so that i will not end up nowhere. Speaking of the exams... I was quite careless at the day when i need to take h2 math p1. I actually slot in my GP leftover exam papers onto the ziplock bag that contain my entry proof and IC. In the end during the examination halfway I was actually caught suspected of cheating and the whole process actually wasted about 1 hour of my math time. Leaving me in a panic mood to finish up the paper for the last 2 hours.

In the end, i didn't finish many questions and worse of all I think because of my panicky mood I must have made lots of careless mistakes along the way. I totally broke down after the exams and cried. After all, I've studied so much and I actually didn't even manage to attempt the Alevel questions at the end of the day, the feeling was.... I dont know how to describe. It was THAT bad

My classmates kept consoling me that it was just 50% the next day still have another 50% to score but I just couldn't accept the fact that I didnt attempt the questions!!! I could have saved about 15marks or so which could help me jumped a grade.

But I guess God isn't that mean to me. H2 math p2 was quite a saviour. So really really, I hope I would get a B for math! a B will suffice, pleasee! -______________-

Today marks the 4th month that i've stayed at my uncle's house. I kinda miss of my mum amidst being so busy studying. Anyway, I still got to move back home after Alevels but I kinda have mixed feelings.

Although Alevels have not yet ended, I'm already thinking of what course I wanna take. I don't have high hopes to enter the dream course I want and along the way I have also realised my interests keep changing, it is hard for me to settle down on what I really want. But right now i'm seriously considering taking NIE at NTU (National Institute of Education) and probably just take the route towards becoming a teacher.

I know being a teacher is very tough nowadays but I kinda like the feeling of knowing I own an occupation that have the power to shape other ppls' life, especially the younger generation. Whatever it is, finish the alevels then say. XD

Maybe my results may be that lousy that I have to retake for another year. But I guess I'm more or less prepared to accept such consequences. After all it is not the end of the world right!

Instead of being more pessimistic after all the bad things that had been happening all these while I am becoming more and more optimistic.

I've learnt that setbacks don't destroy me. The power lies in how you are able to control your emotions to handle the setbacks and stand up again. My econs teacher, ms hazel ho, gave me a quote by flavia weedn - it says "if one dream should fall and break into a thousand pices, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."

I understand what is causing me to be so depressed over my exams - my mum don't stress me, my classmates have their own businesses to care, nobody is using a gun to threaten me. But it is the monster in myself that haunts me because I want to live up to everyone's expectation (or you can say singaporean's expectation) But coming back to think of it, being so depressed and complaining about such, doesnt it make me appear even more inferior?

Yup thats alllllll I feel like posting today. Back to studying my geography.

P/S CATCHMENT MANAGEMENT PLS COME OUT FOR ALEVEL ESSAY!

Looking forward to the end of Alevels. I wanna do so many things, catch up with my friends, sleep, exercise, go out and watch movie(hadn't watch one for years), slack, watch TV..... and the list goes on!

snow patrol - chasing cars

2011-11-01T04:26:00.000+08:00

"Chasing Cars"

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

love this song<3

2011-10-29T16:36:00.001+08:00

Its about 8 days to Alevels and I can barely sleep well. I couldn't control the fear that is always acting up inside me. to the extent I am so annoyed with myself. And to add fire to that, my neck is always giving me trouble.

I mean, I understand there is no use worrying and being scared. But I just can't help it. God, just quickly let this 1 month pass and allow me to rest in peace. (Literally.) :(

2011-10-27T23:32:00.001+08:00

Some brief updates of my life.

1) I'm gonna stop my physiotherapy for 1 month till Alevels is over.

2) I really dread maths. I really really dread math. I really really really dread math. Permutations and Combinations are scaring me off. :[

3) I realise so far I am a very hardworking person in whatever I do. I am not born good at studying, or anything else that I may look like I am good at it. Sometimes giving myself too much pressure that its kind of scary.

4) Can't live without my mp3/ipod nowadays.

5) I've been telling myself this: no matter if i do well in my alevels or not, it merely marks the beginning. not the end. There are so much more things in life that I have not yet have the time to unravel. But then again, I dont want to have any regrets. And I wish next year march on the result release day itself, it will be the happiest and most unforgettable day of my life. [No one will understand how much hard work I have put into studying these 2 years of my life. Forsaking my social life and forcing myself to study so many times so many hours when my neck hurts so badly]

10 more days; I will do my best.

2011-10-21T20:26:00.000+08:00

Went to see doctor and took home antibiotics which made me feel so tired and wobby. Have to eat this everyday for a week. I hope it doesn't affect my studying :( The time left is so important to me. Going to see a dentist next tues. As what the doc told me, I might have gingivitis.

To add on to fire, my mum hasnt been really understanding to me about my illnesses nowadays either. Ahh... Life sucks.

So sick of trying to make people understand me that I don't feel like talking.

2011-10-14T19:16:00.001+08:00

The feeling of meeting someone new and someone whom you really like feels so magical :)

2011-09-27T22:00:00.000+08:00

This is me in short hair! Actually im quite pleased with the overall result but after the 2nd time i cut it, it look so much worse now.

Prelims are over! 41 more days till start of alevel and 62 days till the end of alevels. CHIONGGGGGGGGGGGGG AHHHH

2011-09-10T17:20:00.000+08:00

Hello! Its 57 days towards the first level paper about about 70+ more days till end of A levels!
I'm back on track now but still lagging behind by a lot. Days living in my uncle's house had been really enjoyable and peaceful and I'm enjoying every single day of it even though the pain is not going away and tormenting me both physically and mentally. I love my uncle and my cousin but at the same time I do miss my mum and siblings sometimes.

Whenever I am bored I still use the computer frequently and watch a few dramas to destress. I've been attending physiotherapy sessions regularly and going swimming as the instructors had instructed. I've met a nice friend who is willing to call me up in the morning to wake me up and talk to me when I am bored. My good friends are helping me financially at this point of time which I am very grateful about. And lastly, i've became chubbier! I have no idea if this is good or bad since chubbier means I had been eating well but bad because I'm gaining more weight.

Ok now I am back to studying for my prelims! Bye. Will be back, maybe after the 70+ days. :D

2011-08-06T20:19:00.000+08:00

It has been a tough decision on my part to decide to quit school for now but after many days of thinking about it, i still think that health comes first.

I know, its only left with less than 3 months away till the end of A'levels and I have finally finally managed to come so far after complaining about this sucky tough education system in junior college for almost 2 years.

But to say the truth, I have no confidence in taking the a levels papers 3 months later at all. I have a weak foundation and to add on to the worse, i find myself struggling to cope with the intensive revision programme because my body has been very weak and I kept missing school days at this crucial period of time either for physio treatments/ simply because I didn't have the strength / and even when I forced myself to go school, classmates including teachers would ask if 'I am okay' because I looked pale. [Really felt like fainting any time most of the times but there wasn't one time I had ever fainted in school]

That day, my mum attended the parent-meeting session and requested this for me to my CT teacher, mdm wong.

I was expecting her to persuade my mum about this decision but instead I saw her nodding her head, agreeing that health is important and also said that she respect my decision since she had seen me looking rather pale in her lessons and I guess she felt that what I was doing is reasonable.

So she agreed to bring me to see the principal this thursday and see how the situation goes.

Not forgetting to mention, for the whole of the past 2 weeks, I had been staying my uncle's house and only returning home on certain days I was really happy when I heard that uncle welcomes me to stay at his house for me to have a conducive place to study and live. And what really really surprise me was that I realise he is a really fatherly nice person. [Since young I have been having the impression that he is very strict because he seldom talks]

That day after my aqua physio and I told my uncle that the doc recommended me to go to the swimming pool to do all what movements he had taught me, he immediately told me we would go to swim that day. At the pool, he patiently helped me with the movements and counted the number of times I was doing it to keep track it. The best thing of all is that he offers to call me to wake up every morning and fetch me to the mrt on my way to school. And I can continue naming how good he is for hours like how he is concerned about my health, whether I am hungry or not and the list goes on.

But no matter how nice he is, without the presence of my mum, I still feels something is lacking and am not used to living there even though I am comfortable living there.

Before I went to stay at my uncle's house, there was already a tinge of uneasiness inside me when I got to know that I would be sharing room with my cousin who is 1 year older than me. But again, I am surprised by her kindness when she said it was okay switching on the lights for me to study even though she had worked the whole day and desperately needed sleep. In the end I still took my books out to living room and study but sincerely, I am touched by her little kind offer.

I guess this post has already summed up what has been happening in my life recently.

Overall, I feel happier, in fact, happier by millions and trillions of time than before. I promised myself I will not look back at my decision.

Luckily, I am still young and still don't have any terminal illness and before I really get that, now I already know how precious health is - not only small little things that you eat matters, small little things you do but also the most important thing that people neglect: sleep.

It's never to late in life to change anything. If there is anything that can be changed now, change it, and live life to the fullest.

2011-07-23T23:54:00.001+08:00

I have just spent $600 plus on my 1st visit to the doctor prem pillay on the MRI scan and consultation as my spine is getting more and more painful that I cannot concentrate but to think about the pain I am feeling every now and then.

I wished that I have spent my $600 in vain getting results back saying that I'm perfectly fine but I had knew better about the results since the persistent pain had been bothering me for about 2 years or so. So what about the results that literally shook me?

(Google the keywords and more or less the information will be given. )But generally this is what the doc says: my spine has not reached a critical stage yet, but it might be, especially over-time without treatment, to the point where I may need surgery (which most probably means I cannot be able to move) and which also means more exorbitant costs for treatment.

So i asked him about the expenses of the current treatments and he said it is about $250 per treatment per week. I literally burst out into tears upon hearing that because I know I do not have the financial means to afford it. $250 may sound nothing for one treatment but to think of a whole package of it (treatment after treatment every week) it is most likely to exceed over $10,000. Thinking about the pain that is annoying me whenever I am studying/using the computer/or even just sleeping makes me feel even more depressed.

But miracles do happens, sometimes (I don't think I would be allowed to say what happen here but I am actually more than happy to share this news with anyone). Contradictory it may seems, it is true - and i'm feeling the most unlucky girl in this whole world yet also the luckiest girl at the same time.

Right now, the thought of postponing my studies is coming into my mind but as I said, it is just a mere thought. Most of the time when bad things happen one would always think about the worst, isn't it? Whatever it is, there are still a lot of worries inside my mind and I'm still trying hard to grapple with them.

Sometimes I really think my life is more than any dramas in the world - including the 700+ episode "Ai". Lol!

2011-07-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

I've repeated this on twitter as well as on facebook. Don't blame me for being naggy if you are active in all these social media! Haha. So yeap I've cut my hair short. After 2 years of growing the hair which i do not bear to cut even an inch whenever i go to a hairdresser. I even cut my fringe myself! (thats why its always the same length, covering most of my eyes haha) But i actually cut it short now. Ever since I was around sec 3 or 4, I actually wished that one day I would have nice long straightened red hair when I've graduated. Can't believe it is only a few months away from my graduation day and I made this decision.

But its okay! There are still many more years to come and I have the rest of my lifetime to keep long hair.

Right now I just hope that new hair roots will grow and replace these dull looking stressed up hair follicles which are as unhealthy as my mental and physical condition. Also, somehow there is psychological effect - chopping off my hair means it is a fresh start; fresh motivation and new life!

3 main major benefit:
- the hot and humid weather will not affect me as much.
-save about around 40minutes each day (comb hair, wash hair, tie hair, dry hair before sleep etc)
-save money (less shampoo and conditioner and mask required, no need buy hair accessories)

disadvantage:
I really really love long hair. And my heart aches seeing myself in short hair once again :(
I actually contemplated for about 20minutes at the hair salon when i stepped in.

Other people including my mum and sis also says that I look better in long hair.

:( a decision made is a decision made.
Hope my classmates wont laugh at me when they see me tmr. =X

Okay im very tired now. off to sleep byebyeeee

Some narcissist photos and school life

2011-07-16T10:09:00.000+08:00

Nanyang annual free icecream day and i got my magnum double choc!!!

And so...

So back to schooling days after June holidays. Got back a whole set of lousy results which is totally far off from the target marks I had set for myself last month. The only consolation is my economics subject where my elitist school had separated the students into new classes according to their results and I finally, finally managed to change into a better class which I am very, very happy because my previous tutor had never returned me my assignments since J1. (I like him as a friend but not as a tutor)

And I extremely love this new tutor of mine :D

Other than that, school days had been fine. Actually should be perfect because I have no cca to traumatise me anymore. But the only thing is my happiest days rank like this: Monday > Tues > wed > thurs > fri because monday is the day i would have the most energy and by friday i would be all drained out. Had been studying in school by myself till night whenever it is possible and those days were really productive! I need to maintain this momentum and keep this attitude going, till the end of Alevels.

Today's post is a bit dry. All about studies, but that is what my life really is revolving around nowadays. Can't help it but all i can say is that thank god I have a bunch of really fun friends that we can play and joke with one another during break times (And even hide in container classroom to play wresting) and that really make my day less stressed up a lot.

Exactly what I feel like doing every single moment. So tired zZzzzZZzz

I saw a ghost in the toilet.

2011-07-10T22:47:00.001+08:00

HELLO!!!!!!! Whats up everriiibardy!

Its been more than 1 long month ever since I've updated my blog. Do I still have any readers left? Haha.

Mid year exams are finally over =D

And 4more months till the end of Alevels =D
im waiting!

After so long of not blogging, I really don't know what to say but I shall share one of my scariest experience studying during the june holidays.

One fine day, I was studying at national library near bugis.
After studying for quite some time, I decided to go to the toliet to wash my face and freshen up abit.

I was inside the toilet which is outside the library at basement 2, standing at the basin as shown at the left-hand side of the picture, washing my hands.

I got distracted by a girl who was combing her hair profusely (kind of, because her hair seemed to be very tangled) near me which at that point of time, I saw she was on the reflection of the mirror next to mine. So I turned my body to have a full view of the girl who was combing her hair.

And I saw NO ONE.

I looked into the mirror again, and I saw she was still combing her hair.

And i switched my gaze back to where she was supposed to be standing.

Still, I see NO ONE else in the toilet.

I literally feel like bursting out crying thinking that the girl was a ghost

I looked back and fro for 5 times and finally..

I realised the girl was actually not beside me but OPPOSITE me.

The reason why I could see her is because of the SMALL gap in between the two mirrors.

I believe the reason why I would see wrongly is because of the strong, and weird lighting which is absolutely incompatible with the reflectivity of the mirror together with the wrong design of the toilets.

*Phew* Really scared the wits out of me that day.

Next time anyone of you (girls only, obviously! haha) go to that toilet at basement 2, just outside national library, please beware!

There is no ghost, but you can see one, very easily... just like me. -_________-""

2011-05-31T21:49:00.001+08:00

I attended the Social Etiquette workshop reluctantly today because I had to miss my geog and math lecture + tutorial which would finish the topics that are tested in the midyear exams and I was all alone :-(

I know the word 'alone' seems ridiculous because Im already 18 years old already but its really really difficult to break the ice especially when everyone is already friends with one another. If everyone there does not know each other, maybe the situation could had been a lot better.

The first few hours of the workshop was a complete torture for me because I was feeling so out of place as everyone are either friends or classmates with one another and they were chatting on topics I either have nothing to say/ hard to join in/ sometimes feel like joining in but shyness overcame me.

As I said many times, I always always admire people who can be so outgoing and natural regardless people around them are strangers or not. For me, even hanging out with a bunch of good friends seem awkward for me sometimes. Only when hanging out with 1 or 2 people then i feel that I can truly be myself and not feel left out.

I tried to be more confident, more outgoing, more sociable but at the end of the day, I realise I am only making myself feel worse and tired. That is how annoyed I feel everytime.

Anyway... back to the workshop. I was dozing off half of the time but the large quantity of food for tea break, lunch and refreshments really managed to wake me up from time to time.

The speaker was once a Miss Singapore. She's really cool and she is clear about what she wants to deliver. However, all the content she had covered were already more or less known to me ever since I attended another similar workshop in secondary 4 for some curriculum thing for PE.

I managed to make a few friends there at the end of the day and they were really friendly. The presentation at the end was embarrassing and I can't help but to just giggle while presenting.

OH! And we spent 1.5 hours just to have our lunch because we had to eat slowly and practise good table manners which have many ridiculous rules. Now I know how it feels to be in grand occasions where glamour makes people admire them but actually in reality everything is so uncomfortable and not as cool as it looks.

For this, I really cant help but to think and like how indians like to use hands to eat food!

And i swear, if possible, never in my lifetime i would want to attend big occasions that require so much formality. For once, I see the good in hawker and kopitiam where I can just raise my legs on the seat and eat with all the crunchy and slurpy sounds and use tissue paper and just throw the tissue paper into the bowl after eating.

I guess after 8 hours of attending this workshop, what i've really benefited from this is that I have gotten more motivation to improve myself as a person in terms of grooming, manners so on and so forth. Its an experience. But kind of an awkward experience overall.

----

Ive wasted 4 days. I WILL STUDY TMR.

If not im not called tan boon may.

Then i will create a christian name for myself.

haha! just kidding.

I will study tmr no matter what and i will be still be boonmay.

Just added a new song. Its the first playing song and i'm super addicted to it.
It makes me really happy just by listening to it =D

Happy birthday to myself

2011-05-21T00:24:00.000+08:00

Having mixed feelings while writing this post now. 12am has striked and today is my birthday.

I'm staying at home, online, and thanking whoever is wishing me happy birthday now.

I didnt receive as many 'happy birthday' sms promptly at 12am this year (Less than 5) as compared to previous years and this just reflects the true situation where many of my friends actually had actually drifted apart from me. In fact, some were once my dearest friends. For this, I can't help but to feel disappointed.

Its not their fault, in fact, its part of mine and I feel that it's part of life.

But I'm touched by those who actually still remembered no matter what even when we're almost like strangers already. I'm even more touched by smses that are long and really sincere.

I'm happy because people actually ask me out for dinners and celebration of birthday but i can't split myself into two so i had to reject some. But I really appreciate it. I also appreciate when people ask me what i want for birthday present even though every year when people ask me that question, the probability of ending up buying a birthday present is very uncertain.

I dont know if I'm too sad or too happy or too tired or too stressed but my tears just start to flow uncontrollably.

I feel proud of myself for being able to stand strong till today, till the 18th year of my life.

I've been through many things, regardless in school or at home or outside.

Many a times I feel so powerless that I always have suicidal thoughts and even had nightmares regularly. Many a times I feel glad that I'm still living because If i were dead, i wouldnt have experienced the happiness I was feeling, the invaluable experience that I would cherish and store it into my brain as a precious memory worth reminiscing.
Many a times I feel like giving up but I fought back with tears and continued struggling to get my pirorities right. Many a times I feel really tired from everything that is happening and the fluctuating emotions that is destroying me.

But I'm still here today. A stronger Boon May. A boon may whom has grown to become more mature than before thanks to all the things that have happened. I'm almost about to enter my journey of life into adulthood. I wish I can have more luck and I wish I would have better days ahead.

I want to be as true to myself and to others as much as I can. I want to stop my bad habits. I don't want to let down whoever who has high expectations of me. I want to become a better person. A better, stronger and more mature boon may.

I want to thank my mum for being there for me throughout all these while and especially through these 2 years of stressful jc life. Without her, I wouldnt have the courage to press on till to date. I want to thank my close friends, alson, carmen etc and especially yeeting because they are the ones whom make me feel that I'm not alone and there's always someone I can talk to. I want to thank my classmates who have been really understanding towards me - Cass, ginie, jingyi, xinting, jialing, weibin. Even though we have some friendship problems here and there but you guys are the ones whom persevered tgt with me in this tortorous jc life. I want to thank my teachers for being their patience and kind intentions. I want to thank anyone who has entered my life and make a difference - regardless small or big - because you guys are whom that shaped my life.

I know it sounds really ridiculous to say all these kind of things now as if I'm dying. But indeed, several news has stated that starting from 21may, the world will be coming to an end. No matter if it is true or not, I'd be glad, because so many of you, have or had been in my life before and I have so many fond memories, including the sad and tough ones. <3

Once again happy birthday to myself. I applaud myself for all the good things I've done and i promise I will do more good things and be a better person.

No one is perfect, I have my flaws but i'd make sure I'd reflect upon myself regularly and change for the best I could be. Ü

2011-05-17T16:02:00.000+08:00

My blog entries at youth.sg are @ http://app.youth.sg/Home/School.aspx?id=22

--
I have a confession to make! I failed to fulfil the goal I have set last week and that is to spend limited hours on computer. In fact, I spent the most number of hours on computer this week for this year by watching dramas for many hours straight and only slept a few hours each day.

Dramas are so tempting. . . . . . . . .
On the other hand, home works are so brain-draining and tiring. I usually don't like to consider them as a chore to do, sometimes i even love doing them but the overwhelming amount of them dued in a short period of time is making me so scared and afraid to even start on them for fear I can't meet the expectations.

Back to dramas. Once I'm obsessed over dramas I really mean obsessed. Sometimes I even behave as though I am the female lead in the drama in reality (Pardon me, i know it's abit retarded cuz most of the dramas I watch are romance-type and the male protagonist isn't around in reality hahaha!) Don't ask me how I behave as one but I just do, when I'm at home and especially when I'm only with myself.
----

So... Mdm Wong just called my mum yesterday and told her that if i fail my upcoming midyear exams, there is a possibility that I have to retain and go back to JC1.

And that totally wake me up and stop me from continuing to act as the female lead in drama thinking that life is so simple and gave me a hard tight slap on my face to remind me that I'm staying in a stressful Singapore with piles of work to do and competing with many people, not living in a fairytale.

i feel tired suddenly. shall catch some nap before i throw myself into the pacific ocean of sea with many papers filled with words and digits. I don't know by describing my home works like this is literally or theoretically correct or not but you know what I mean. And I believe you can feel me especially if you're a JC student.

let's just get ourselves wet and swim and become fitter instead of drowning and dying there.

Okay, that's abit too far-fetched. Haha!

2011-05-12T00:58:00.000+08:00

I think my blog is the best and only avenue to throw out all my stress, worries and pent-up emotions. So here I am.

But since what i am going to say is just the same thing all over again, I'd say im already done throwing them out. Just by logging into my blogging account. Now its time to focus again.

2011-05-10T21:25:00.000+08:00

My mum just talked to me about some of the things happening to my relatives side (her younger bro, older bro and my grandfather) where they have fallen out with one another due to money issues.

But whose the one suffering?

None other than my grandfather.

Yes, in the midst of the conflicts there are misunderstandings here and there that worsened the situation and resulted in today's consequences where all the relationships are strained and there is no way in going back to the past, but the whole conflict centralizes around the main issue of money.

And hence... I cant help but to wonder... Is money more important than kinship/blood?

If money really is, then i really don't see the meaning of life already. I mean.. You can earn as much money as you want, 3/4 of our typical lifetime is allocated to education and work.

But money cant buy happiness, time or even family members who can stay by you no matter what happens.

If money can buy family members, I think I'd rather use all my money to buy them rather than using it to buy things that i dont need.

But still, I've no right to determine who is right and wrong in the conflict since its not my money and i'm in no position to say anything as i'm not in their shoes in reality but just an onlooker who is judging things based what im seeing the surface of the problems.

Yet again, its perplexing how many so things can get out of hand just because of money especially when it comes to matured adults.

---

On a personal note, I promised I will not use the comp unnecessarily from today onwards. I am becoming more and more lacking of self-discipline. Mdm Wong's talk with us during CT period is another wake-up call for me. I always tend to get distracted when time passes by and forget what i really want to achieve at the end.

So today,I stayed in school, locked myself in a classroom and did all my dued homework till late night today. The atmosphere and everything else was fine. But I was soooooo hungry that on the way home, i bought cashew nuts, waffle, bread, seaweed and egg tarts to eat and binged on the leftovers of my home dinner when i returned home

I guess that taught me a lesson that i can never miss my dinner at my usual timing. (5pm) Now I'm bloated like crazy. But I'm determined to repeat this routine except for the dinner part from today onwards.

somehow It feels weird because i didnt ask anyone to accompany me and feel lonely at times when i get bored from doing my work but that really made me focus.

I guess I just have to bear with this for the remaining 6 months or so =/

BUT I CAN DO IT.

2011-05-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i spent $47 buying a new DS pokemon black game. It was a hard decision but i knew i had to buy it no matter what. Because i never fail to get tempted to buy new versions of pokemon and if i dont buy it, i will be troubled for many days and thinking about it everyday. Also, i think my bro and sis caught my genes and they love it too! But they are not as much as a huge fanatic as me.

This made me remembered i spent my childhood playing legos and using pokemon as characters with buildings built by the legos pieces while other singaporean kids spend their days after school going for tuition and revising, im playing pokemon everyday.

The first time i started playing pokemon was i think when i was 4 or 5 years old. It was the first game i played and it has been my favourite. And for many years, i have never once wondered about the fact why i love it so much even though i was addicted.

Now coming to think of it, i feel that its because i love the 'life' created by the inventors of pokemon. I mean, being a trainer is so simple! Just train your pokemon with love and care, and just mingle with cute and a variety of pokemons everyday! Pokemons dont/(seldom) die and even if they 'die', just bring them to pokemon center! As easy as that.

Moreoever, the 'pokemon world' is so surreal it makes people feel that they're living in a fairytale story and not in this complicated world filled with thousands of different things that can make you upset and a world that nothing is perfect.

The sound effects in the pokemon game is a big plus point too. I always catch the pokemon show on sat/sun at 10am and i especially love the sound make by a pikachu, 'pika pika' and when team rocket appears, the pikachu would goes 'pika pika PIKAAAACHU!' haha. sounds childish, but that is simply what that attracts fans of pokemon, isnt it?

Obviously, i have to admit, i am not as addicted and crazy over it as compared to the times when i was younger. But i still love it =) The newest pokemon black version is something that really impress me.

I have played it for 7 hours since yesterday and every town i go, was a futuristic town filled with 3d cool infrastructure that no cities in this world has yet to achieved. Perhaps im a geography student who studies about urban places and that is why i paid extra attention to that. But i swear, it was really really cool.

Oh yeah.... and not forgetting to mention, the female character is so chio and skinny inside which i fail to notice when i was younger and at that point of time, didnt even cared if i was a boy character (Ash) and still happier played along with it.

Okay! Enough of my pokemon craze, come back to serious business. Gotta start on my homework now.

im anticipating the results of GE 2011 later as well as the results of the mothers' day competition to be released tmr! :D Hopes it would be a double happiness for me. (Heeeeeee)

2011-05-05T22:49:00.000+08:00

Just a short post before i turn in to bed. I'm really tired right now, my eyes were already closing even though i was at the rally which i was passionate about because of the lack of sleep this whole week.

Well today is the last day of the rally and tmr's cooling off day and sat is the polling day.
the opposition parties seem to have lots of hope this year and somehow, i fear that if one day they really gained more power to be on par/overthrow PAP, no matter how human and humble and down-to-earth they are, they are likely to come up with policies that are popular with the people but not those that is really right.

And that is precisely because they seem to belong the 'empathetic' group compared to the PAP who is often seen as 'got brains and no heart'
but well.... not much use to say anything now/worry now.
let's just see how things go.

-----------------------------------------
Now im going to blog about something more personal.

talk about double standards. an indifferent attitude to some people who have given her privilege to be good friends with her, breaking down all the barriers to a friendship that they believe is worth it and then the privilege getting abused. And to just get a simple basic respect was that difficult. How disappointing..

i really get a big headache when it comes to friendship and relationships. Because unlike problems related to studies, the school doesnt teach us how to respond to such stuffs yet these problems are the most annoying ones that have no answers.

Or maybe the problem lies with me. Being too easy-going and joking about things most of the time, hence making people think im not a serious person and that is why they think they can do whatever they want and show whatever kind of attitude they like. I keep quiet when im unhappy about stuffs, and only say out when i really cannot stand it.

Time for me to change, to become more aggressive, defiant and selfish, so that i can protect myself instead of being so gullible and end up facing all the emotional turmoils myself everytime.
while those who are making me sad are ignorant, sometimes not ignorant, but still enjoying their life.

2011-05-04T23:12:00.000+08:00

This morning, 3 of my classmates VS me myself for a debate on politics. I was almost going crazy with 3 mouths against mine. Although im TBM which some ppl may say too big mouth, there's a limit okay! Esp when talking to ppl like foo xinting who gets so agitated and then i myself also unknowingly became agitated and we sound like quarreling instead of the fun chattering we started in the beginning!

But its fun, challenging and mind-blowing! Somehow i failed to convince them and they fail to convince me but i think both sides have their/ my own interests and emphasis on different issues.

And at night after coming back from school, it was another round of debate with ALSON on twitter. Omggggggg i think maybe i should just stop being so into politics if i dont plan to argue with people.

But still, i think its very fun!!

I realise i can sort my thoughts pretty well in cyber than verbally though. Blame it for writing in english for so many years and only begin to really speak english when i was in sec 1.

#fail

Chem test on all organic topics tmr. Either fail or fail badly. Since they belong to the same category, i shall just continue to watch today's rallies posted online and neglect my chem.

Actually hor, cannot lah. still need to study abit lah, of course.

Things I really wonder about.,

2011-05-03T18:54:00.000+08:00

I just found out our singapore's PM($$$$$$$$$) actually got paid 40 times more than how much Barack Obama is paid yearly(US$400,000). And he has the top salary in the world as a politician.

Not a surprisingly fact, because i've known about this long ago just that i didnt really expect the difference to be that huge. Somehow its feels uncomfortable why our Singapore's prime minister is getting such a high pay but i find that at the very least, its comforting to know its an 'open' corruption rather than an underhand one.

So yesterday Obama has announced the death of Osama (My mum claimed that they are brothers because of their similiarity in names -_- haha) and the Americans rejoice and celebrate.

But what really strikes me is that there is not quite a concrete evidence by the US forces that Osama is really dead. They just came out with a detailed imaginable story on how he was fired by 2 gun shots and then they buried their body somewhere and video-ed the house filled with blood but nothing was shown about the real osama. where is his corpse?

And come and think of it, even if he is really dead, I do not think that the USA government would actually announce it because there would be so many complications that will follow with it. What about the supporters of osama? what bout those terrorists? arent the US gov afraid of the backlash?

Somehow i feel that Osama is not dead. And the announcement of his death comes with a hidden agenda. Be it to make the terrorists show up and fall into a trick set by US or be it the lie of the US forces for any conspiracy reasons. Its really quite unbelievable.

IF Osama can be so easily caught, the US gov would have caught him long ago, isnt it?

But still, that's my guess. Just have to continue catching up with the news and see what really happens next....

I realise the more i blog, the more my blog is turning into a revision for general paper purpose.
But hey at least what im blogging doesnt always revolve me and only me!

Be happy ok. And meanwhile im providing warnings for you all that osama may be still around and can kill you anytime...and warn you not to let your guard down.

Just being lame. hahaha.

Something interesting to share

2011-05-03T01:12:00.000+08:00

This is most probably the funniest election rally by Dr Ang Yong Guan this year.

After watching this video, watch this to compare.

There is a large difference in terms of character, mental state and personality isnt it!

Here's an overview of his past records:

Dr Ang Yong Guan graduated from the University of Singapore in 1979 with a medical degree. He did his post-graduate training in psychiatry at the University of Edinburgh from 1984 to 1986.

Upon his return from Edinburgh, he served as a psychiatrist with the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) for 17 years from 1986 to 2003 before retiring as a Colonel in 2003 as Head, Psychological Care Centre at the Military Medicine Institute, SAF Medical Corps.

Dr Ang is currently in private practice as a Consultant Psychiatrist at Paragon Medical. He was the President of the Singapore Psychiatric Association for two consecutive terms in 1997 and 1998 and Chairman of the Chapter of Psychiatrists, Academy of Medicine from 2001 to 2003.

He is the founding and current Chairman of the Action Group for Mental Illness (AGMI), a non-profit organisiation advocacy group championing for persons with mental illness, formed in October 2004.

He is a member of National Council on Problem Gambling (NCPG), set up by Ministry of Community Development, Youth & Sports (MCYS) since its formation in 2005.

He is also a member of the Clinical Advisory Committee for Chronic Disease Management Programme on Mental Illness under Ministry of Health since 2009. He has been a Special Visitor for the Mental Capacity Act under the MCYS from February 2010 and a Member to the Visitor’s Board under the Mental Health (Care & Treatment) Act 2008, Ministry of Health from August 2010.

He was awarded the Public Service Medal (PBM) in 1995 for his contribution in community work and the Public Administration Medal (PPA) in 1996 for his service in the SAF.

He has always been interested in politics and in helping the community. He was an active grassroots leader; having previously served as Chairman of the Management Committee of Punggol Community Club, and Secretary of the Kampong Kembangan Citizens' Consultative Committee (CCC).

He believes that getting involved in politics is a way of serving the community and the nation. As a psychiatrist, he will use his expertise to scrutinise policies in Parliament which have an impact on the stress level and well-being of Singaporeans; thus ensuring that we are not only a First World nation economically but emotionally as well.

---

In my opinion theres only 3 high possibilities.

1st. He knows that by acting this way it is highly to attract more viewers and switch the attention from other parties/politicians to his. Moreover, hes a psychiatrist, he knows better what to do and perhaps after gaining attention he would switch back to his real self...? Whatever plans he have im not sure but i think PERHAPS this is a trick he is trying to use?

2nd. it is probably none other than the fact that PAP is the 'culprit' that caused him to be like this. I've checked the previous elections and found that he actually joined the same team tgt with Chee Joon Suan who was sued by the PAP till he got into jail and went bankrupt.

Or perhaps its precisely because hes a pychiatrist and that all the sorrow that people have confessed to him is built and pent up inside him, together with the stress he's facing for this election that resulted him to be in a bit of a wrong mental state.

3rd. Hes trying to get down to a 'personal level' in order to associate and relate to the residents. This is evidenced by the fact that he rarely reads his script and even he does, he seems to be kind of rephrasing his lines to simpler sentences that allows people of all ages to better understand. He's also trying very hard to make the morale of the public 'high' but i think his way of doing it is VERY unique, sometimes quite cute yet totally ridiculous.

Actually come and think of it, at the beginning i really thought he was crazy and thought that if im a resident in Holland i will DEFINITELY not vote for his party but after viewing more of his videos, i kind of find myself to like him more.

Is that perhaps something what he is trying to achieve at the end of the day?
--

What do you think?

--

Election this year is so interesting, i'm so addicted to them that i cant concentrate on studying.

On the side note, dont you feel that you're a true singaporean during election period? Yes, i've got to admit, even though i feel proud of being a singaporean, i do not the feel the strong singaporean 'spirit' inherent within this country no matter where i go, including special occasions like countdown.

By standing in the midst of the sea of people in rally and supporting for whichever party all of us are keen towards, shouting and cheering and listening attentively to what the candidates have to say. Whistling and clapping and talking to one another. While seeing people buy the flags, i can even see some gave $2 note and told the vendor 'no need change'.

Besides, i just saw a couple of photos take from the rally at Yahoo. Its really an eye-opener the fact that so many people were present at the rally! (I couldnt really estimate the crowd when i was there because it was packed that i dont have a birdeyesview BUT i know there were MANY people) Some uncles and aunties are even waving WP/PAP flags and smiling brightly. Some climb up on other's shoulder and wave the flag in excitement.

Its really a rare and heartwarming to see phenomenons like that.

SPP's Chiam See Tong at Hong Kah North rally, April 29

2011-05-01T17:12:00.000+08:00

Chiam See Tong said in his opening, "you gave me more applause than I deserve." Sir, I disagree. I say, "you received less votes than you deserve."

-johnlzr

I agree with johnlzer.
Mr Chiam, you're a real example of what its means by loving singapore.
Even if you're not elected, you will remain as true heroes in our hearts and never be forgotten.

---

As for the latest MM lee's speech, I find it rather disappointing. A part of me wish he could be like Mr Low Thia Kiang when it comes to relating to singaporeans rather than using threats. LKY is a great leader that has done singapore proud for all i know and i respect him with all my heart, but maybe he should change his approach in wanting us to cast a vote for the PAP instead of using coercing methods.... afterall, probably it is not the PAP that has changed, but the people.

The new generation may not the same as before.

微笑

2011-04-26T17:33:00.000+08:00

面对讨厌的人，对他微笑，笑得真诚，因为你在无视他，

面对你的敌人，对他微笑，笑得真诚，让他猜不透你，

面对比你强的人，对他微笑，笑得真诚，让他轻视你，

面对比你弱的人，对他微笑，笑得真诚，让他跟随你，

面对无理的人，对他微笑，笑得真诚，让他无可奈何，

面对风度的人，对他微笑，笑得真诚，显示你的风度，

面对你爱的人，对他微笑，笑得真诚，他会读懂你的心...

面对众人的不谅解时，保持微笑，因为你必需知道你并没有错，

面对不满的事情时，保持微笑，你没必要让别人的过错影响你，

面对欺骗的时候，保持微笑，这样你才能看见最精彩的结局，

面对无奈的时候，保持微笑，因为无奈不是你哭就能解决的...

如果有一天，你真的伤心了，你真的累了，真的想哭了，

学着微笑面对众人吧，没人能够理解你的眼泪的，

即使理解，也没人能够替你承受那样的痛苦...

如果有个人懂得你的人，让他看见你的眼泪，

如果你没有遇见那个人，自己躲着一个人哭吧，

伤心过了，哭过了，你应该学会如何笑得真挚，

微笑，不是让你带着一副假面具去面对人生，

你要学会的是，无论什么样的时候都能笑得真诚，

那一种发自内心的微笑，那一种与心情无关的微笑，

渐渐地，你会发现，

微笑真的只是一个表情，不能代表你的喜悦，

但这样的微笑却能够能让你明白，

真的没什么事情是值得你去发脾气的，

遇见开心的事，笑一笑，日子就这样过了，

遇见难过的事，笑一笑，其实也没多难过...

真正的微笑，并不是因为你开心，

而是因为你学会如何去不在乎了..

(saw this from http://eosy918.blogspot.com/) Meaningful =)

Future

2011-04-23T09:42:00.000+08:00

After Alevels,

I wanna just sit down at some coffeeshop or streets at Town just to see people and life and do nothing

I wanna lie down with my friends at geylang bahru bridge/ECP at night just to see stars and moon all night and spend my night away just like that.

I wanna go overseas and see the other part of the world.

I wanna go Universal studios

I wanna dye my hair bright red and perm it

I wanna wear pretty clothes and go shopping like any girls always do.

I wanna play bball every night whenever i feel like

and the list goes on....

My most desired wish...

To grow tall. Because my dream is actually to become an air stewardess and visit to diff places and see all walks of life. I didnt mention it to anyone before because I was afraid people may laugh at me but well, its the truth especially since Im a geography student and i take an active interest for the affairs of the society in the world as a whole. But the minimum requirement is 158cm. And right now im only standing at 156cm. Its disheartening how i cant get or even reach out to my dream job just because of physical features that is not within my own control.

Of course, there're still many areas ive yet to explore and opportunities everywhere that i can take hold of. But still, its just an ardent dream of mine as im always named as 'frog in a well' and i really really wish that day can come true.

Just a random blog post speaking my heart out after studying so much. I'm tired! its 10am in the morning and im off to sleep. Night

Death

2011-04-22T22:25:00.000+08:00

Boredom has driven me here to blog. I had spent my Good Friday studying and teaching my sis maths while filipinos were celebrating Easter by enacting crucifixions. Pardon me for adding that redundant info but that was the content of one the GP article i just did. Lol!

Merely making every opportunity worthwhile you know!!

Actually I dont really have anything to blog/say but i'll just write anything that comes up to my mind.

Have been actively online nowdays...
And after logging to facebook and looking at some of my friends' photos(basicially everyday this week), I cannot help but to feel jealous how much fun I have been missing out. But at the same time I consoled myself that at least I'm becoming more and more knowledgeable each day and also my future is more and more ascertained.

Like any other schooling teenagers, or perhaps only some of my sadist friends like Alson, we can't help but to wonder 'what if we study so hard for so many years and then one day we just die? wouldnt it be very wasted?'

My mum and classmates like jing yi told me, "You think want die got so easy is it? If can die so easily, I now already dead liao lo" (LOL)

But looking at how my health has been deteriorating nowdays, I always feel that there's a high possibility my end is nearing.

So if I really were to die now, what will happen?
Has I made my life worthwhile to die in peace?
Do I have any regrets?
Am I ready and willing to let go of life?

Actually come and think of it, I really don't mind dying. Even though I know I'm still young and there are a lot of stuffs that I haven't tried before, which includes fulfilling my ambitions and aspirations. I HAVENT GOT A HUSBAND TOOO!!! Ok that one is not my aspiration, but just a random thing i thought of suddenly haha.

Chinese saying, "Wo kan kai le" Exactly that line that describes how i feel about death!

As long as death doesnt involve suffering from pain, having to see sadness, and no burden, seriously the first thing i would do is just to terminate my life.
But sadly, none of the above criteria can be easily met and hence, I am not dead yet. Haha!!

My gp tutor once shared with us that one of the reason why she refuse to have babies is that she doesnt want the baby to come into such a sad world to suffer, having to go through all the excruciating life stages and encounter problems as well as to work your ass off no matter in terms of academics or work. (ESP in the case of having to be borned in Singapore)

I agree!!! Just look at the daily newspapers and happenings, tragedy is everywhere.. And for elsewhere where there isnt, happiness is so transient and tends to be superficial nowadays. Nothing can truly make us happy. Even if something can, human nature greed will always take over us and we will long for more.. Its an never-ending process and its omnipresent.

Well maybe for the optimistic thinkers whatever i'm saying sounds like crap but really, this is how i feel and this is for real.

Life sucks.
Not always. But most of the times.

Has my life been worthwhile...?
Even though i have been studying my ass off but i think generally speaking its already worthwhile to the extent that the memories are enough for me to last forever. :D

Do I have any regrets?
I dont believe in looking back anymore. I used to keep looking back and miss the old times and all but I've understood the importance of not looking back anymore. Moreover, in fact, they are what that made me who I am today. So... yeap no regrets for anything other than the fact that i have no chance to fulfil my full duty as a daughter to let my mum have a better life.

I realise I am quite a pessimistic person. Hahaha.

Shall continue to do my work cuz i promise myself to do so.

Boring. Life. And Sad. Cuz i cant eat chocolates due to my current diet plans SOB

Looks are important. So is inner beauty

2011-04-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

I really have this urge to blog about this - issues concerning about bodily characteristics and the term 'FAT' and especially the case for teenagers nowadays...

Whoever who says 'beauty is only skin-deep and inner beauty (character) is what that really matters', stop it, really. i wish these people can just stop saying this so as to console those people who are borned with less-adequate looks or figure and let them continue to live in self-denial. Why not just let them know the truth and better make themselves positioned to live in this judgemental and superficial world? Not that im advocating people to go for plastic/comestic surgery like lipo or anything, but just, you know, to support the idea of encouraging people to put in their utmost efforts onto grooming oneself to the best that he/she could achieve rather than discouraging them to do so. That cliche comment sounds so meaningful and beautiful but just question majority of the people, deep down in their heart, do they really feel this way?

Honestly speaking, NO. well, perhaps, for a minority groups of people, or probably really sensible, logical, matured adults who can be totally unfaltered by surrounding tittle-tatters about beauty and good looking people that everyone in the society is talking about.
Including the insidious effects from social medias like newspapers, magazines and advertisements that teach us what are the rules of beauty that should be 'perceived.'

Yes. Inner beauty is important. Without a good character, most likely the chances are you can't get far in life and have very few true friends. But what I am saying here is that looks are as important as well.

People judge; It merely takes them 5 seconds just to judge you and form a first impression of you; regardless if its good or bad; Your character is already been 'determined' and 'perceived' by others when you havent even try to do anything to prove your own worth, just by your appearance alone

I really tried very hard to convince myself since i was young that 'looks/size doesnt matter'; what matters is a sincere kind of treatment to others and a life where you live without any constraints and burden just to maintain that appropriate 'image' but as i grow harder and encounter more things, I realise....

1. If the person hate you, the first thing he/she is going to make sure he/she triumph over is you is to start from the most basic and pragmatic yet annoying fact that is none other that you're uglier than him/her; be it in terms of face or body size. (I think size issues here are more common)

Met such phenomenons countless of times already... Including in JC. (Attack was not on me, but there was a personal one I found out accidentally. It was so hurtful that until now i still can remember.)

Sad isnt it? This is something that is difficult to change; And it takes time and lots of hard work, something that cannot be achieved overnight. And there it goes, you have nothing to say because its a fact, you've lost, unless you think you hold something that is superior enough to argue back.
(Eg if you're the president, no one cares whether you are ugly or not. You win because you have the authority.)

2. Even if the person doesnt show that they despise you cuz of your looks, deep down in their heart more or less they think you're fat/ugly. They dont show it infront of you; they do it in a closet way. A closet that doesnt have secure doors/cover to hide all the malicious gossips/physical-related verbal attacks, that somehow you will find out one day, and usually its just a matter of time.

Refute me if im wrong. You may be the exception but that doesnt mean others are.

And that is also why i particularly feel disgusted at people who openly laugh at people because their body sizes. Nobody is perfect. Unless they have a small waist like Cathie Jung or a perfect figure like Barbie doll, otherwise, i dont see a point of them mocking at others. Instead, i find that they are losers.

I admit, im still struggling with my diet plans everyday, just to meet the expectations of the society. Even though im not obese, i still feel the need to lose weight. Its like an infectious disease that everyone, especially girls have gotten. (for guys, most probably is going gym for a larger built) A bandwagon that everyone has been crazily jumping onto it since a long long time ago.

But i'll make sure i'll get it over and done with soon. 45kg, that will be a perfect weight for me, i guess.

2011-04-17T14:42:00.001+08:00

I've submitted my article to stomp for the competition 'top mum's award 2011'!

In the beginning, I didnt dare to submit although i've finished writing the article which i took about 4 hours to finish it. Because i'm abit scared of the publicity and all but my mum as well as my closefriends encouraged me so i submitted the next day.

I even sent a softcopy to yeeting and see if its okay! She just kept saying 'can one can one' and i was like ' really or not!?' haha! She anyhow one!

Why do i need to keep editing?
Because I dont want to divulge too much information regarding my family situation.
Don't wish to put my stepfather in a very bad light because although he doesnt pay for my expenses and school fees, in a way, he is still supporting me as I'm living in 'his house'
And also self-censor by eliminating the contents of the conflicts but instead just put it in a more general way, because i dont wish to make it seem that im trying to gain 'sympathy' marks.

Hence, I have to make sure I use the correct words and also instead, use true stories to touch the hearts of the public.

First time writing an article like that but didnt know that it needs so much thinking-processes!!
But sadly speaking.... I didnt manage to edit properly. (Regret)

There are a few grammar mistakes there if you realise. Haha. Like 'no matter how much 'sorry' and 'thank you' when it should be 'no matter how many 'sorry' and 'thank you'.

--
I dont know why it ended up on the 'top 8 must-see' ( i wonder if the previous articles by others also do too?) and why they chose the scarliest and ugliest photo when i purposely put the nicest ones in ascending order when i sent the email! :*(

But definitely, Im very honoured and happy when people comes telling me that its really a great article (which means to say they agree and acknowlege my mother's nobility :D haha)

whereas if you were to ask me what do i think should be the winning criteria for the 'top mum's award' and whether my mum would stand a chance:

I think every mum in this world stands a chance to win because they're special and unique in their own ways, regardless of the method they use to parent their child, or the way they express themselves to them.
Its just whether these love are 'spoken out' in the form of article for this competition and submitted for everyone to acknowledge and judge

Particularly, I find 2 articles rather touching where one speaks about her mum getting diabetes after giving birth to her, having to take injections regularly & another one where she raise 5 children wholeheartedly and one of the child is actually wheel-bounded. In my opinion, issues regarding health-related issues are perhaps the ones that are the most touching ones because they surface the truest form of love in the sense that the most important aspects of their live are no longer as important as compared to their love for their children.

But still, I think my mum is special in her own cute ways and I think we stand a chance as well! :DDD

In a way, by writing this article is like a mothers' day gift to her even if we dont win.

And if we win, its even better because she'd be happy to save the money for the laptop for my future university education (which is one thing she had been worrying ever since i graduated from sec school and often ask me the price for a laptop and i always reply her i dont know cuz my knowledge about geeky stuffs is extremely sua gu.)

So yeah! meanwhile let's wait till 8 May for the most meaningful day to arrive and hopefully good news :)

2011-04-10T19:49:00.001+08:00

Can't seem to take a breather in this world.

I'm so stressed up when nobody's stressing me. In fact, I am the one stressing myself up and this is a very big problem because i dont know how to stop myself from doing so.

2011-04-08T23:23:00.000+08:00

A level Project Work results were out today.
And I'm really happy to say that I've gotten A for it.

This could not have been achieved without Mdm Wong and my pw groupmates.
And of course, myself! For putting all the hardwork and time into it. =D

I'm really really happy.
But throughout these processes, I am also becoming greedier. Or perhaps, in a nicer way of saying, becoming more confident and having more faith in myself to aim higher
Now, I want straight As for Alevel.

Though i didnt really do well for block test, but these are not enough to bring me down anymore.

To achieve my aims, perhaps i should really take step by step at a time. So here it is:

Targets

Midyear
BAACD (B h2 chemistry, A for h2 geog, A for h1 econs, C for H2 math and D for GP)

For prelim:
AAABC

For Alevels:
AAAAC(B/A)

I can do it, I will do it.

I rmb seeing this somewhere and i find it really cliche yet thought-provoking and motivating: There is only 2 kinds of person. Those who choose to say 'I cant' and those who choose to say 'I can'

--
NAPFA test tmr. Havent been exercising... for almost 2 months. still, hopefully it will turn out well :)

2011-04-03T15:06:00.001+08:00

Ever since the occurrence of earthquakes and nuclear disasters in japan, I have been hearing many people, especially the elderly saying that it is their 'retribution' for all the sins the japanese had committed.

At first, whenever i hear that, i feel that its really not logical and ridiculous to cast all the blame for some of the japanese have done to all the victims who have suffered in this disaster. I mean, they are largely people of the new generations! They're innocent victims too, just like how our forefathers and grandmothers had been victims during the japanese occupation.

However... after researching to find out more about the history of japan (which japan has completely whitewashed the explicit contents) - 731 unit where human beings are being experimented with many different kinds of way like injecting virus in them, starving them and vivisecting their body alive w/o anaethesia and all, suddenly i feel a surge of resentment, somehow i felt that i can understand the elderly and those people now.

But still, even if the emotional part of my brain led me to agree with them, logically, i think we should not let our senses make us generalise that the murderers are now the victims and also not gloat at it. Instead, we should all take a more moderate stand. Not asking everyone to completely forgive and forget what they had done, but perhaps at least, not be unsympathic?

Yeah... Am blogging about this also because my family takes on the 'elderly' stand which i find it abit tad distasteful and annoying

2011-03-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

How can a dear life be so fragile...?

I'm so afraid that i just wanna appreciate everything every single day i have now.

HELLO

2011-03-16T15:16:00.000+08:00

Its already mid-way of March and cant believe that i have only 10 blog posts so far.. so unlike me who always have a lot of things to say/complain in cyber normally.. :X

And as you know... I'm someone who is EXTREMELY forgetful, i will just forget everything if i do not pen it down somewhere (including my homeworks and all)

So... what i could rmb for now about recent happenings are:
-NTU open house
-SLC camp
-School, tests

Last sat
I went to NTU open house and attended lectures on courses that im interested in. And much to my surprise was that every lecture that i had attended were engaging and captivating, unlike the very first one i had attended in NUS last month.

Based on interests, I'm very keen to enter the mass communication course despite it does not have a chinese-based one.

Actually one of the reason that stopped me from going to poly but to a jc was because i didnt meet the minimum requirement for poly mass comm (English must be B3 but i got a B4) as well as the lack of confidence of competing with my possible future classmates who may speak good english that perhaps sound americanish and professional.

And if you were to ask me why do i want to go for mass comm...
2 reasons:
-I love writing*******!!!!!
-I love talking
-But i realise most of the times my voice goes unheard, and that only makes me even more keen to going for this course.

My english in written form is considered average but when it comes to speaking, I totally suck at it. And for chinese, i can speak nonstop as if there isnt a full stop in every sentence!! haha!

Another course i am particularly interested in is the NIE course. 4 years of preparing on how to become a teacher. And the reason why i am interested in this course is probably for the most pragmatic reasons. Despite getting free school fees, NIE student even gets $1400++ salary every month while studying! How cool is that. No wonder the lecturer says, "NIE students are the richest students in NTU" haha!

You study, you get paid, and you dont have to pay for school fees, and you will secure a stable job for the future. Its like a win-win situation... UNLESS you suddenly find out that you are not cut for teaching then sadly you have to be bonded to this career for 4 years or else the you will lose even more $$$ than you gained initially.

I counted, if i sign up for NIE, the gov has approx sponsored $100 000 by the end of the 4th year. A LOT RIGHT?! Walkit kept saying i am $_$ minded but come on, who wouldnt be excited or attracted to the free $100 000?! RIGHT?!?!?!?!!?

SLC CAMP.
I was totally drained out by the end of the 2 days camp but what i can say is that although it was quite waste time (mostly - transport 1.5hours back and forth, meal times, slack times etc) and contain quite a bit of seclusion (cliques separation & J1s) but overall it was quite meaningful

Got to know walkit & junbin better who can be my future possible classmates for bball sessions :P

MAJONG in school
Jialong brought mini majong to school and we had a really great time during break in school by playing with it in a classroom. I want more majong sessions!!!!! Sooon!

BLOCK TEST
In a week's time and i will have this block test and am currently studying as much for it as i can.

I was in charge of a pri-1 student called shiokhui and we flied kites together at marrina barrage. She was very lively and enthusiastic and because of that, we had a rather great time together.

She even said "I miss you" before she left. Children never lie, isnt it? Means she really mean it, and im touched by it too <3 hahaha!

---

Let me introduce you to this siao siao girl who is beside me in the first picture of this post

shes the one who is
-always abusing me by her pokes
-helping me with my studies when i have problems
-keeping me awake in lectures
-the one whom i go home with usually
-my listener and advisor most of the time
-joins the same cca as me
- a chemistry zai kia
- a very straightforward person who blatantly expresses her displeasures usually in a very reasonable & sensible manner and for that, I'm impressed!!

If i stop describing her here it will seem like she's a very perfect person right!
So must continue
-she can be quite fierce sometimes
-quite................. (cannot think of any already LOL)

none other than FOO XIN TING!

BOOOOOOOOOZ.

Will introduce more of my gooodgoooood classmates (5 more) in future to come. One by one k! Be patient!! haha.

2011-03-04T21:05:00.000+08:00

Looking at the honour roll students (straight As) one by one walking up the stage to collect their prize and wondering, 'can i be like one of them next year?'

Its just a natural thought that comes to me and i felt more and ever inspired and motivated to study harder to be like them. Looking at their faces brimming with happiness that their hard work has finally paid off, and that they do not have to worry their next path of journey that has already been set out for them, it was as though everything was really worth it.

Today I got back my Alevel chinese results. Wasnt really expecting much from it but im so soooooo sooo delighted that i got an A for it. <3 The feeling is just so right. As if i'm halfway there even though i know that the journey is gonna take far more than this. But i hope, and i choose to believe myself, i will continue to strive to try my best, till the end of the very A'levels :)

Oh... And guess what.. I couldnt hide my happiness when i got back my results and was like answering people that i got an A for it and even tweeted. (People ask me what!)

Xt and cass was like i was too blatant and should be more elusive so as not to offend people, making me having the second thoughts of deleting my tweet after that but then again. Whats the point of hiding happiness when you're happy?! Its tough being a human being you know!

2011-02-26T10:34:00.000+08:00

Have only been home for 2 days this week. School had been really busy that I didnt really quite dwell on the unhappy things. What was on my mind whenever I got dismissed from sch, in mrt, in bus or wherever I was at was that I desperately needed sleep.

Anyway! So yesterday we girls sat down together around a table, with the lights switched off in the classroom and had a heart-to-heart talk with one another. Threw out all our problems, said out all the unhappiness against one another, and though things didnt really end up perfectly, i'm still glad at least we're being honest with one another. At least all the unneccessary assumptions are being cleared and we know our stand and how each other feels. To me, thats enough already.

( I wasnt quite involved in this whole thing, kind of like a middleman, and deep inside me i actually secretly take sides)

The fact that we're honest with one another, willing to talk face to face and not hide with our problems, caring for one another and hence leading to all these misunderstandings make me feel that they're the most true friendship ever forged <3

I hope everything will turn back to normal again! This 2 weeks had been tough, girls!

What a man can be, he must be

2011-02-20T11:22:00.000+08:00

I just read some readings about Maslow's hierarchy of needs during my stay in my friend's house yesterday while studying for my GP test. And it kinda intrigued me into researching to find out more about it.

Some background info:
Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology, proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation. Maslow subsequently extended the idea to include his observations of humans' innate curiosity. His theories parallel many other theories of human developmental psychology, all of which focus on describing the stages of growth in humans.

Under Maslow's hierarchy of needs pyramid, it shows the four diff stages of one in which one can attain happiness through these needs.

The largest and most fundamental levels of the needs are at the bottom while self-actualization is at the top. In simple words, to be happy, all one needs are actually the most basic needs like food, water, sleep.

Zooming into the category of 'self-esteem', i found this excerpt exceptionally meaningful. Yet again, coming to think of it, they're quite common sense based.

Esteem

All humans have a need to be respected and to have self-esteem and self-respect. Also known as the belonging need, esteem presents the normal human desire to be accepted and valued by others. People need to engage themselves to gain recognition and have an activity or activities that give the person a sense of contribution, to feel accepted and self-valued, be it in a profession or hobby. Imbalances at this level can result in low self-esteem or an inferiority complex. People with low self-esteem need respect from others. They may seek fame or glory, which again depends on others. Note, however, that many people with low self-esteem will not be able to improve their view of themselves simply by receiving fame, respect, and glory externally, but must first accept themselves internally. Psychological imbalances such as depression can also prevent one from obtaining self-esteem on both levels.

Most people have a need for a stable self-respect and self-esteem. Maslow noted two versions of esteem needs, a lower one and a higher one. The lower one is the need for the respect of others, the need for status, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention. The higher one is the need for self-respect, the need for strength, competence, mastery, self-confidence, independence and freedom. The latter one ranks higher because it rests more on inner competence won through experience. Deprivation of these needs can lead to an inferiority complex, weakness and helplessness.

Maslow stresses the dangers associated with self-esteem based on fame and outer recognition instead of inner competence. He sees healthy self-respect as based on earned respect.

In Singapore where the pace of life is changing constantly, and our quality of lives getting better and better, it is of no wonder many of us have already fallen into the category of 'self-actualization.' But the journey to self actualization has its drawbacks as well.

Like what Schopenhauer stated, people "forfeit three-quarters of ourselves in order to be like other people" For example, if one places the greatest value on material gains, the acquisition of weath and is able to deal with the stress and drawbacks to all the hardwork put into achieving them, then perhaps one would neglect the other aspects of life which are also worth living for.

Life's like a dangerous maze. The journey is neither long nor short yet the complexity of it often leads us wondering where we are heading at times.

Whats important to me? What do i really want? What am i doing all these for? I'm lost at answering these questions

Decisions, decisions

2011-02-18T01:38:00.000+08:00

Think I'm big enough to make decisions for myself.

I know im being selfish here.

But I have no choice because everyone is also being selfish to me here.

Sorry, if only my mum could see it here.

Goodbye to this sucky home. Sucky home that cost me a million of tears since young.

2011-02-13T11:17:00.000+08:00

At some point of our lives, we may find ourselves lacking of the motivation we have in our life, so as to continue to do all the things we need and want to achieve. The courage to stand up again and face all kinds of obstacle. The determination and perserverance to last through tough times and remain strong.

For me, I find motivation in role models. Recently i found one particular person whom really inspired me a lot. - Kim Yu Na

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExX0NJ2VtzA&feature=related

(A better quality @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9u4jtp0o80&feature=related)

Looking at her highly skilled skating moves, I guess she really must have fallen down many times badly. While watching the video, I could literally picture the image which would look like if she were to trip while spinning so gracefully, and those tough trgs behind everything.

Thats the spirit of olympic athletics ;) so beautifully amazing

2011-02-12T16:27:00.001+08:00

"There are times when life unexpectedly hands you something so amazing, you feel like you’re in a dream but no matter how many times you pinch yourself, you don’t wake up. It’s moments like these that makes life worth living because no matter how hard some days are, these miracle moments lift you right back on your feet"

2011-01-29T13:32:00.000+08:00

I'm looking forward to CNY but at the same time not looking forward to it!

I love the food, ie ba gua, steamboat fishballs fish lau yu sheng etc etc
And of course, hongbaos.

But I'm afraid I may overeat again. Food entice me so much that even i feel so bloated as if my stomach is gna burst anytime I WILL continue eating as long as nobody stops me.
:[

I dont like my new school timetable.

There are certain days where there is only a few lessons but also a certain days where all the lessons are CRAMMED till we dont even have our lunch time. ie 10am-5pm lectures and tutorials straight. After experimenting our new timetable for about 2 weeks, I really feel like dying at the end of the school day during the crammed up days.

Dont like!!!!!!! BOO.

Note to myself: Stop getting jealous over small things, its so stoooopid.
I must be contented with whatever I have, MUST.

All talk no actions = useless.

2011-01-25T20:09:00.000+08:00

Though i enjoyed shopping and icecream and my MAC today, I was feeling quite guilty all the time because there was so much homework and tutorials which are piling up day after day. Its like a mental monster inside me that cant go away.

After CT lessons and assembly talk today, i felt that they were like a sudden wake-up call for me. I remembered that mdm wong said: I dont usually postpone doing my dued work. If I cant finish it, i will make sure i do it before i sleep, no matter how late the time is. Because if i delay today, im sure im gonna delay tmr, and the next next day, and eventually just end up panicking and getting everything undone.

-Its true, that happened to me last year where i actually piled up all the undone tutorials until June because i just kept delaying. And then June- Oct became the toughest times of my year where i had to struggle with my CCA and school and catching up. There were some days where I did my work till late at night and sacrificed my sleep that i felt like crying because I was just so tired to continue and I know I had to.

I dont wish such days would come back anytime soon, and also, i definitely do not want to hyperventilate like what the teachers said they had experience before! Its so scary.

So from now on, I'll put everything aside. Shopping, movies, kbox, outings, probably just a little treat like 1 day a month for such leisure? The rest for my studies, school, and family.

I'll get my life back after Alevels.

1. First post

2011-01-24T21:36:00.000+08:00

I've always got the mindset that chinese actors cant really speak english well and wont ever be interested in politics. But i'm quite impressed by tay ping hui's interview.

Watch this at razortv here.

http://www.razortv.com.sg/site/servlet/segment/main/news/59052.html

"I'm an actor. But I think politicians are the best actors in the world. You can read between the lines."

Though i cant really imagine if he would participate in any elections in the future, but i'm actually looking forward to what this guy is gonna do next.

----

I exported all my previous blog posts to combine with my 07 08 09 archives so here i'm restarting everything again :)

There are a couple of reasons for doing so. But the main reason is to not reveal all the unhappy posts that i've posted. I'm abit scared of the social media after reading many articles about them and as well as through discussions in GP lessons. So yeah, decided to be a little bit more "discreet" than before. Hopefully I can maintain this :)

(I tend to be a little outspoken in cyberspace, cant help it but i'll try. )